Only 8 per cent of the men said that sexual dissatisfaction at home was a primary contributor. The No. And that fit with another amazing statistic: 88 per cent of the men said the mistress was no better-looking or was not in better shape than their own wives.
It's not about sex. It's much more about a lack of thoughtful gestures at home. What kind of gestures are you talking about? They were verbal first of all: "I like that. The most common things missing are, "Great dad, great career person, makes money for the family. That's unfair, for men and women. Beyond that, it's the little things. It's the call to say I love you, it might be cooking or getting the particular food item that he likes. It might be having sex.
It's sending that message: "You're a winner for me and I want to be in love with you. You say cheating is not about sex, but 32 per cent of the cheaters you interviewed said they were sexually dissatisfied, 68 per cent said the sex was "different" with a mistress and 22 per cent noted that the mistress offered sexual options that the wife did not. Clearly, sex is a factor.
I don't mean to underestimate and say that sex is not an issue. Men are not unsatisfied with the sex they're having. They just want to have more sex.
That's how they connect and that's meaningful to them. Do you think wives should work to be more like mistresses? No, that's too general a statement. They may or may not have known the man was married but they went ahead anyway, later ending up infatuated or in love.
There are women out there that don't have a problem dating married men and seem to have little regret about it, but generally speaking, this is not usually the case. Many times a husband will make promises that can string a mistress along until so much time passes that it becomes difficult for her to break it off. A husband may even go so far as to tell the mistress he's separated or in the process of a divorce when this is not the case.
If a mistress is in love, she may not want to end it, even if she knows it's wrong. If a woman has become a mistress and she knows that her lover is married, then most certainly she feels jealous. She feels jealous every time he walks out the door. She knows he is going home to another woman. She knows her lover has another life at his home which she will never be a part of. Unless she has a family of her own, a mistress's life is usually pretty lonely, emphasized by the fact that her heart probably sinks just thinking of what her lover is doing at home with his wife and family.
She feels jealous that he shares a bed with his wife and will never know the true level of intimacy that's going on despite what she's been told. Some mistresses even have children with their married lovers. Imagine what a complicated web that must be. There's no doubt that a mistress feels envious that her lover's relationship with his wife is not a secret to the world like hers most likely is. One thing that many mistresses crave more than anything is validation that her relationship with her lover is real.
Sneaking around in secrecy is not the ideal for having a healthy, long-term relationship. A mistress, like any other woman, wants her lover to be proud of her, to tell their friends about her, and for them to have the desire to tell the whole world how much they love her.
Well, this is a no-brainer, but unfortunately, love and lust are blind. A woman who ignores repeated red flags because of love or lust will eventually find out she has picked the wrong person to be with.
A mistress is bound to come to this realization sooner or later. She may choose to stay in the affair long after she's realized her mistake for any number of reasons including denial, fear, and, of course, love.
Falling for the wrong person happens to all of us. It happens to single women dating single men. It happens to women who fall in love with married men. It happens to the wife of a husband who is having an affair. You have no rights to anything. You may receive untraceable or consumable gifts in lieu of real time together.
Family vacations or excursions with his wife if he even tells you about them will be torturous as you are reminded you are nothing more than a secret. You try harder to make him see what he has been missing when you welcome him back home.
He will reinforce how much he's in love with you from the distance and time apart, and that he will tell his wife soon, so you stay. You will eventually avoid interacting with certain friends and family as time in the affair bubble goes on, and it becomes harder and harder to lie to them about your dating situation. Why is a great girl like you still single? Have you met anyone? Are you being too picky? You begin to question how "great" you really are for getting into such a shameful situation.
But you have his keys, credit card numbers, passwords, and secrets. You have come this far; surely he cannot live in duality for much longer.
Life is about taking risks, especially for true love, right? If you think this is the first time he has stepped out of his marriage, think again. Embezzlers steal small amounts of money before they move up to stealing millions. Men cheat in different ways before they become comfortable with full-fledged affairs.
You might actually believe your situation is different and that you are special. You will waste valuable time waiting for a commitment that will never materialize. Instead, you could be giving your heart to someone who includes you in his whole life, not just on the shady sidelines. If you attempt to end the affair, he will let you go every time because he doesn't want to be "your gravity" in holding you back. He will manipulate you with his tears, love letters, roses, and heart-wrenching voice messages.
There will be more empty promises that he will finally talk to his wife, but know this: he will never leave her, his kids, or his money. If you try to give him space to work on his marriage he may become concerned about your long-term loyalty. You return to him, hoping to prove you will be there when he leaves her. This situation is making you absolutely miserable when you are apart. You beg him to tell his wife — she deserves to know! Your mood will become more volatile as you think of her at home waiting for him, innocent and unsuspecting.
You want him to make the right choice without pressure. This is just not right and you know it, yet you protect him anyway. Questioning him only upsets him, so you hide the pain and try not to complain.
Over time, your guilty subconscious mind may develop several anxiety-related conditions as you struggle with the duplicity of the affair. Somewhere along the line, that confident, intelligent woman disappeared. You won't recognize who you have become.
You'll feel trapped. You are truly in love with him and cannot be with anyone else, but he's not being loyal to you. He might suggest that you date other men with a warning not to bring anything back if your devotion becomes too much for him when his wife needs him at home.
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